Last month I decided I wanted to type up some family rules and frame them on the wall. Yes, I wanted something nice to look at, but I wanted rules that really reflect our standards for our family, that I could really use to direct our kids to, to remind them of, to point them to when NEED that reminder. I put a lot of thought into it and this is what I came up with:

The rules, in case you can’t see the picture, say:

Love God more.

Always tell the truth.

Think of others before you think of yourself.

Do it right the first time.

Think lovely thoughts.

Be respectful.

Don’t argue with Mom and Dad.

Love each other.

Listen without interrupting.

Use your manners.

Do everything without complaining.

Say your prayers.

If you think about it just a little bit you can recognize all of the bible verses behind those. We have some of them memorized already and I intend to add the rest to our memory verse box soon.

As far as USING them goes? How is that doing? It’s going… Sometimes I forget they’re there but I am starting to remember more often and direct the kids to them more often and I think that as I keep practicing that we’ll get to the point where this standard for our home is referred to quite frequently, as well as the verses that support them. In the meantime, it felt good just to lay it out and black and white and tell the kids “this is where we’re setting the bar.” It’s a good place to start. =)

We’ve known for a long time (pretty much always) that Princess was going to need braces.

We had no idea.

The overbite was obvious. What wasn’t so obvious was the cross bite (the right side of her teeth don’t meet right, or much at all) and the deep bite (the front teeth on her lower jaw are significantly higher/taller than her molars). Princess’ diagnosis is a Class II Division I Malocclusion. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect to see with children who were habitual thumb suckers.. except she never was. She’s always been this way. My mom swears she remembers the doctor saying she had a slightly underdeveloped jaw when she was born. All I remember is Big Daddy saying right away she looked like she was going to have an overbite, and her little lower lip always being puckered in deeply.

It was the cutest little pucker.

Eleven years later and the pucker has a pretty price tag to go along with it. Not just financially, but there’s a long road ahead of us and I fully expect Princess to tell me at least once, probably sooner than later, that she’s tired of them and has changed her mind. She’s been wanting braces, knowing they aren’t fun but knowing that it will fix her teeth. She’s talked to her friends and family members who have had them. She’s geared herself up for this. Who knows? Maybe she’ll buckle down and tough it out and surprise us all. Maybe.

As much as she’s been wanting braces, Big Daddy has been wanting to avoid them. He didn’t like the thought of his little girl in pain, and he didn’t like the idea of surgery. Finally last week he conceded to take her in for a consultation. We had no idea her teeth were so much worse than we thought. In fact, it’s one of the more worse cases of Class II Division I Malocclusions they’ve seen. Once you find out your baby girl’s teeth (she not much of a baby anymore is she?) hardly line up at all and you think about everything that means for eating and how much harder it would be to fix when she’s older,… it’s really hard not to buckle down and find a way to make it happen and get it fixed.

Fortunately, our orthodontist specializes in fixing more extreme cases without surgery. But that does mean a bit of additional hardware in her mouth. But it will all be worth it!! Princess has always struggled with biting into an apple, she couldn’t take more than a little chip out of the apple, she’d nibble it and scrape it to death with her top teeth. It’s weird AND amazing to think that when she’s all done there will be so many normal, daily things that you and I take for granted -like biting into an apple- that she’ll finally be able to do!

The price tag for this is pretty hefty. And the commitments to make monthly payments on it, for us, is pretty huge, too, because being self-employed, we pretty much try to avoid contracts and payment plans as much as possible. But as I read over the directions from the dentist and look at all the tools they sent her home with… as I think about two years of giving up certain foods, monthly appointments, brushing and flossing and scrubbing several times every day.. WOW. She’s going to be putting a lot into this, too. We just keep telling ourselves it’ll pay off in the end.

It’ll pay off in the end.

It’ll pay off in the end.

Have you had to have braces and remind yourself it would pay off in the end?

Photo Credit: Some rights reserved by Muffet

I am, and always have been, a hopeless romantic. Those grand, romantic gestures that movies are made of make my heart melt. I wanted my husband to propose to me on Valentine’s Day on one knee in front of an entire restaurant after having the ring cleverly placed in my dessert. (He didn’t, but we’ll get to that in a minute.)

I am also fluent in the love languages of gift-giving and quality time so Valentine’s Day just plays right into that, it speaks my language. I’d love nothing more on Valentine’s Day than for my husband to come home with a huge bouquet of flowers, tell me he’s arranged childcare and I need to put on my fanciest dress and then whisk me off to dinner at the nicest restaurant within driving distance.

But my husband is not a natural born romantic.

And he hates Valentine’s Day.

I think if you asked him he’d say that Valentine’s Day puts unfair expectations on men, especially romantically challenged ones, and that it’s just a commercial gimmick that doesn’t really have anything to do with how much he loves me anyway.

Of course, my argument is that it doesn’t hurt to take the opportunity to show it with some flowers and dinner. ;0)

But I think after over a dozen Valentine’s Days together I finally REALLY get what he’s saying. I’ve realized that even though I’ve never asked for anything extravagant, even though I’ve always tried to keep Valentine’s low key and simple at home and even though I’ve known year after year that my ideal scenario above was not likely to happen…. in the back of my mind I’d always hoped that it would. I’ve always hoped that my husband would buy me something nice or take me out on a super romantic date.

Even though I didn’t know it, even though I didn’t mean to… I was supporting all of my husband’s arguments, adding to the bias against men by the commercial holiday of false love tokens.

Okay, that may be a bit harsh. I KNOW there are plenty of couples out there who enjoy Valentine’s Day together without any hype, commercialism or bias. I know plenty of women who give as equally as they receive and don’t put unrealistic expectations on their husbands.

But I think my husband has a point, too. It got me thinking back over all our past Valentine’s Days together. I tried to think of something that I’d given him, anything, and I couldn’t do it. That’s mostly because we’ve been broke for the majority of our marriage and my husband didn’t want me to spend anything–so I made supper at home and the kids and I made him a card. There were a few times that I bought a new nightgown for, um, later, but that doesn’t really count as a gift, exactly. For the majority of our marriage I’ve practiced what I’ve preached: that it’s not about gifts, it’s about spending time together. Still, we haven’t been broke our WHOLE marriage, and I can’t think of any time that I’ve ever tried to reciprocate what I’ve secretly hoped for every year.

Why do I expect so much from him but not expect to give the same in return?

It made me want to get him something nice, and thoughtful, not over the top, even if I don’t get anything for Valentine’s Day at all. Because I love him. And that’s it. And so I did. I also told him that we’ll celebrate V-Day here at home as usual, and that Monday I would like to go out to eat, as usual, but “officially” just as a date night.

Or maybe like a “kind of anniversary” night…

Our Valentine’s Day Love Story

James and I were going out for a date on Valentine’s Day 1998. I’d known I’d wanted to marry him for over a year, and we’d long before that V-day set a date of August 1, 1998. But the date was fast approaching and he hadn’t yet proposed. He wanted to ask my parents’ blessing first but he kept putting it off. (He was certain my Dad was going to say “no”; I kept telling him it would be my Mom!)

James came to pick me up for our date, but instead of asking my parents for their blessing before we left (so that he could propose during our date,) he got cold feet again. I tried really hard not to hold it against him for the rest of the night. He felt really bad, he really did. (It’s okay sweetie, I still forgive you!!) The next night there was a Valentine’s Day banquet at church, and he somehow got the nerve up to ask if he could come over afterward to talk. We sat there watching tv and watching the clock get later and later until my Dad finally asked, “Can we get this over with so I can go to bed?”

As I predicted, my Dad said I was an adult and could make my own decisions and went off to bed. My mom wanted to talk about it for about an hour. A week later we went on another date. This time my sweetie proposed after our dinner, alongside the lake (water) with a candle in one hand (fire) and the truck radio playing (music – the three elements I’d listed for a romantic evening) while I sat on the tailgate and he got down on one knee. I wanted to laugh and cry, but the laugh won and I kissed him and the urge to cry melted away.

I don’t remember that calendar date, but I remember that moment clearly. And unfortunately for him, I’ll always remember the day after Valentine’s Day as the day he got the nerve up to ask for my parents’ blessing on our marriage. It may not be the most romantic story ever. But it’s OUR romantic story. The story of the romantically challenged man who asked the hopelessly romantic woman to marry him in a parking lot beside a lake, holding a taper candle.

This Valentine’s Day I’m breaking down expectations. I’m letting my husband off the hook. And I’m the one planning thoughtful, romantic gestures. I’m hoping it’s not lost on my romantically challenged husband and that he does like it. I’m hoping that the thought behind it works to show him how much he means to me.

NOT because of the gift, but because I love him. I really do.

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36108419@N05/ / CC BY 2.0

Updated to add a little follow up:
Since completely letting go of any expectations, Valentine’s Day last year and this year have been exceptionally more enjoyable. I bought some Valentine Decorations and some chocolates for all of us and it was just an enjoyable day together. Hubby does add his sweet little gestures and in the end it’s a really good day.

Of course I want to hear from my husband that he loves me, every day, and on this day especially. But when it comes down to it, I want him to tell me in his own way, make whatever gestures he wants to make. Neither one of are happy if I try to manipulate any certain behaviors or responses out of him, and it’s not loving on my part if I try to do that. Thoughtfulness is encouraged by thoughtfulness. Manipulation breeds discontent. How much better it is to make Valentine’s Day less about “what am I getting out of this?” and more about “how can I show love to my spouse today, moreso than every other day?” For that, as Christ says, is really what love is all about.

Happy Valentine’s day, friends!

God sent His son to fulfill His purpose, to help us fulfill our purpose — To Glorify God. We have a lot to celebrate!

It’s become a tradition here on my blog to host an Advent series, so this year I’ll keep that tradition going. Today being the first day of Advent, we’ve set up our Advent candle wreath and I’m kicking off this year’s series which I’m calling “ADVENTure 2010!” I’ve been asked to offer more suggestions for things to do with your kids, so there will definitely be more of that coming. What I want to know from you is, “What do YOU want to see in this year’s series?”

This year’s Advent wreath is simple. I bought a silver plastic charger at the dollar store, along with some white tapers and some “snow cover” (which basically looks like quilt batting.) I already had a handful of taper holders so it was a quick and easy set up:

To get this to work, I took a small square of snow cover and fluffed it out a bit and tried to shape it into a circle. I then poked 5 holes in it with my finger and laid it on top of the taper holders, carefully sliding each hole over and down each taper holder. The bases of my taper holders were too big to all fit on the silver charger, so I’m actually using the three clear ones UPSIDE DOWN! And then of course, the one in front is actually a votive holder. Last I attached the candles with a bit of wax and the whole thing took less than 5 minutes!

(They’re all much straighter than they look from that angle!)

I keep saying that one of these years I’ll actually buy a “real” wreath, but I keep finding it so easy and frugal to assemble my own, so I don’t know if I ever will! Maybe some day.

So if you don’t have a wreath set up yet, don’t fret! Just grab some votive candles or tapers, rocks, marbles, snowflakes, angels, whatever you have and assemble your very own. Now all you need is a suggestion for Advent readings, right? There are SEVERAL ways to do this!

• Advent Wreath Prayers & Scripture Readings at ChurchYear.net
• Advent Candle Readings @ DocStoc.com
• Scripture readings for every day of Advent at Catholicism.About.com
• Advent Readings & Songs @ apmethodist.org
• Four ways to use the Advent wreath @ reformedworship.org (We’ll be using this one, the Prophets/Angels/Shepherds/Magi version — though the first one, the Light and Dark version, was a close second!)

If you’re worried about not starting today and getting behind — don’t! That’s not the point, and it takes away from the purpose! We usually start December 1st. This is the first year we’re actually starting on the first day of Advent. The point is to just spend time focusing on Jesus in the days leading up to Christmas Day. So go ahead and start tomorrow. Or the next day. Or December 1st! NO WORRIES!

I do hope you’ll join us on our journey through Advent this year. God bless!

At first I thought that I was simply noticing more bugs, paying more attention thanks to my little boy who is really into bugs right now. But as we have found more and more and MORE bugs inside our house and on our back porch I started thinking: “This isn’t normal!” And guess what? It’s not.

We’re having a bug surge this summer.

Oh, goody.

We have seen more grasshoppers than I care to count. They. Are. Everywhere. It makes me think of the plague of locusts, just sayin. Fortunately, grasshoppers don’t sting or bite. Though they CAN be quite annoying when one finds its way into your adjoining master bath and SINGS. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Ask me how I know.

We have found (and killed) 7, or 8, or 9 (I’ve lost track) wolf spiders in our house this year. In the previous 5 years we’ve been here, we may have found 2 or 3? At the most. Normally the rule is “Outside: You’re not my problem; Inside: You’re toast.” This year I’ve even squashed a few on the back porch. I figure, there’s obviously plenty. And the back porch is too close to “In the house.” The creepiest one –aside from the one on my bed IN MY BLANKETS– was a few nights ago when I saw something like this (see video below) on the back porch, only it was dark and the yellow porch light didn’t illuminate it too well. It just looked like a funny looking spider until I squished it — and hundreds of teeny spiders started WOOSHING away from the dead Mommy spider and spreading out across my porch. EEEP!!!

WARNING: This video may give you the heebiejeebies!!!

SHE HELD IT! SHE TOUCHED IT! EEEEEP!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!

Ok, I’m better now. Except I keep feeling like things are crawling on me..

SCORPIONS. Need I say more? I’m so creeped out by scorpions I really just want to move on. We’ve killed at least half a dozen inside and outside the house. STILL…that’s not our highest scorpion record. Once a few years ago, with a sudden rash of rain storms chasing bugs inside in the middle of the summer, we found five in our house in a week! That’s one record I don’t want to beat.

Flies. Maggots. No pictures of maggots for you. I will spare you. The beginning of our summer was AWFUL with flies and we had a horrible fly/maggot problem in our kitchen. I had to take my trash out Every. Single. Day. Or they’d lay eggs in the trash can (even with hardly any food trash in it!) and two days later we’d have maggots crawling across the floor in our kitchen. I wanted to cry. Believe it or not, a trash can with a lid and a sticky mouse trap got that problem under control. The flies would land on top of the lid and get stuck to the sticky trap. Yay for sticky traps!

You probably already know that we have found (and tried to feed and grow) several caterpillars this summer. But what you may not know is that before this summer, I never really noticed any! I was amazed when we went to my Mother-In-Law’s house and saw this sunflower “weed” COVERED in tiny caterpillars. On top of and under every huge leaf, devouring the entire thing! I don’t know if they were going to be butterflies or moths, but I bet when they all grew up she had a ton of one or the other buzzing around her yard.

Beetles? Okay, the beetles are new. We just saw these. Maybe I can’t include them because I haven’t seen TONS and TONS. But I’ve never seen any in our yard before. And then I find two on the porch. So that counts, right?

Oh my word the dragonflies! They have always been big swarmers on summer evenings, but the air above our yard has just been FULL of them every sunset. They circle and circle around. One flew in our house and I tried to shoo it back out, but it landed between our washer and the wall! I finally did get it to crawl onto the broom and I released it outside. What? It’s a dragonfly, it doesn’t harm anything right?

We have also had wasps, bees, yellow jackets and muddobbers coming out of our ears. And when it rains: mosquitos. And also, ants. Good grief.

The only “good” thing that comes out of our bug surge is that we get to look things up and learn about them. My little boy is FASCINATED by the grasshoppers and dragonflies. I’m just ready for the wasps, scorpions and spiders to go away. Because this? This is definitely not normal!

This week’s Popinjay photo prompt was “Abnormal.” I have several! For more Abnormal, visit Michelle. No, wait, that didn’t sound right….