As we’ve gone through this series, I’ve tried to be open about my shortcomings. Just in case you’ve missed all of those examples and are starting to misunderstand and idealize my performance as a wife — this is the one that’s going to seal the deal. Let there be no mistake, this is a big shortcoming for me.
I think all the sayings about good intentions might have been written for me. I have lots of them – I really do want to do a good job, please my husband, make everybody happy… I just stink at follow through. I’m also becoming increasingly more forgetful. And I have weak self discipline and self control. So, all the good intentions aside, I’m not NEARLY as reliable and trustworthy as I’d like to be.
On the other hand, I can look back and see some ways that I’ve grown, some things I’ve become more reliable with, so perhaps there is hope for the rest of me yet. It’s a hard road for me, though, not an easy trait to develop. I’m a right brain creative type, I like things flexible and generalized and malleable. That’s okay when you’re talking about making a flexible menu plan but not so great when you’re dealing with time or money.
My tagline on my blog reads Proverbs 31: 11-12 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” There is no verse that says “Thou shalt be reliable,” but there are verses that speak about keeping our word, and loving others. But this verse above just really speaks to my heart, it’s why this verse in on my blog. Her husband TRUSTS her. Why? She must be trustworthy. She must have proven again and again that he didn’t have to worry about the money she was investing in the field, or where their clothes were going to come from or whether she was going to make supper. Over time she had proven that he could trust in her, and he did.
That’s what I want. That’s what is so hard for me. My husband knows that I’m going to cook dinner every day, but that at least once a week it’s probably going to turn out wrong or be something he doesn’t like or be exceptionally late. My husband knows that I’m going to wash his clothes but I may be pulling them out of the dryer at the last minute. And so on, and so forth. He doesn’t have to worry – much – but he is always cautious because he never knows. Not that I have to try to be perfect, I don’t, I can’t. But if something is “at least once a week” all the time, well, we’re not talking about room for errors, are we? We talking about regular occurrences.
I could be wrong but I think most of this boils down to good daily habits (and leaning on God.) I can see that improvements over the years have come because of habits that were changed or put in place. I can even see some habits that would help now. But habits are so hard for me to make and keep for very long. So that’s where I need to apply myself. That’s where I need to work on things. Little habits add up to big differences, every little one counts toward the bigger goal. It’s not something I have to change all at once overnight, but I do need to get busy on little changes now, and keep making them. Perhaps in another 14 years I can look back and see more improvements and changes than I’ve made in this first 14 years. ; )
Last but not least, as I parenthetically mentioned above.. it’s not something I can do on my own. One of my most common prayers is for God to change my heart. I need His help and He does give it. He does give artistic Messies a desire for order and cleanliness when they ask for it, and He equips them to make those changes, too. Through the (long, painful, drawn out, neverending) process of changing my ways, I also learn how to lean on HIM throughout my day. It’s like a buy one get one free deal, two lessons in one.
Are you a somewhat unreliable, recovering Messy like me? Or are you a shi-shape on-the-dot person everyone can count on? Any advice for the other side?
If you would like to join in, the rules are simple. Link up an encouraging post about marriage with the direct url to the post. Next week’s word is “Self-Controlled” Join us then for more Marriage Monday!